TRIPLE A—Does that mean attitude, athleticism, and academics? A recent conversation with some hockey players who were playing “Triple A” hockey at the Bantam level led me to this next blog.
The children were adamant about both their ability to get a DI scholarship, and the proper path to take to receive the scholarship. They would continue to play at their current level, which included not playing for their high school team, missing days of school to go to different tournaments, and playing as much as possible.
Let’s break it down. First and foremost, just because it is “Triple A”, does that mean it has to be elite? The very fact that these kids (families) are paying money to play certainly limits the pool of players. What about the region of the country they are in? Also, what about the players’ age group? What time of the year are they born, versus the age cut off? Is this group of kids, like in a high school demographic, a group of above average students for their graduating year, or as in a professional league, maybe in an off draft year? Next, what happens when you are no longer one of the better players as you leave your little myopic corner of the sports world and venture out into the big pond?
Now let’s look carefully at the team you are playing on. How many kids from that team have gone on to DI scholarships? Do you know the true amount? Take the amount of money they are paying to play and compare it to what most athletic scholarships give, and you will find they could have saved money by not playing and paid for more college tuition. I was told by these players that the odds are better if they play Triple A, then Juniors, and then college to get the DI grant. Although true, it leaves out the very important fact that it is very hard to play Juniors in the first place. Also how many Junior players get full scholarships? I was told by one parent her son played on a Junior team and tuition was $9,000 a year. The average DI scholarship is $8,700 a year. What if they don’t make it? All these great high school memories that most of them would have are lost. Angst over not achieving their dream comes instead of those memories. What is the long term fall out when they don’t make it?
I am the father of a 17 year old daughter. She is wonderful and I love her very much. She seems to have no interest in attending a convent to ease her father’s woes and gray hairs. During my last talk to a youth sports group I brought up the name Megan Fox. She seems to be incredibly popular with the teenage boys. I have to confess I know nothing about the girl, but if millions of teenage boys are interested in her I certainly would not want her as my daughter, owing to the fact that I like to sleep at night. I offered the following story to the young boys in attendance as an analogy to their youth sport’s journey.
Let’s say Megan Fox is a parallel to a DI scholarship. Everyone kept telling you that Megan Fox wanted to go out with you and she thought you were really cute and great and wanted to spend time with you. When you finally got to meet her, she said, “Who the heck are you?” and walked away. Now, do you really think that when you went back to your friends and to the others who had told you that Megan Fox was going to date you, and you ended up with nothing, that you wouldn’t be constantly reminded and aggravated about what had happened as you journeyed on in life?
After I saw the look on the young boys’ faces and some of their heads hanging low, I offered this solution to their unrealistic dreams and desires for what ultimately is an unattainable goal. Get a group of kids together, rent the ice, and play a pickup game. Play for fun. No coaches or parents, just one adult for safety. Players pick the teams, make the rules, and have at it.
When talent level was broached to me and the kids didn’t want to play with players that weren’t as good as them, I answered, “What happens when you’re not the best and players want to exclude you?” In life, just like sports, you will meet, socialize, play, and work with all difficult levels of personalities and talent. This is an excellent way to nurture the life skills you need for later in life.
Now let’s look at status. Believe me, it plays a huge role. As much as we want to be individuals and find our own path, we want to belong to something. We want to brag to people about the organization we belong to or the team we play on-a natural social phenomenon. It becomes a problem when we put too much value on it, when in actuality it has little value to you at all. If you play youth sports for fun, you will get better. If you get better, and by that I mean good enough for college level sports, you will be found.
Finally, be very aware that the people telling you how good you are are in fact the same people profiting from your participation on their team or in their organization. They may also be paid to bring you to other teams, in which you still have to pay a fee to participate.
If we really want to find out who is the best through competition, then we have to play for free, so all can be evaluated and grow.
Sportsmanship and the coaches ego
Two rivals were locked up in a basketball game. Alumni from both schools were there to witness the event. Clearly, one team was significantly better than the other. The outcome was pretty much assured. Sure enough, going into the fourth quarter, and for that matter, even the second half, the outcome was already determined.
The winning coach, with 47 seconds to go in the third quarter went to the end of his bench and purposely put in his last player. This gave the losing coach time to see the gesture and replace his starters to start the fourth quarter. He chose not to do so.
What happened during the fourth quarter was interesting to watch. The winning coach seeing that the losing coach was not going to empty his bench, decided to substitute his bench players in one at a time. With 4 minutes remaining in the fourth quarter, when the other team had still not cleared his bench, he put on a full court press. The fans of the losing team were outraged. I found it quite amusing. He had made his magnanimous gesture near the end of the third quarter, and when the losing coach decided not to accept, he crushed him. Finally, with two minutes left in the game the losing coach put in all bench players. (This is a whole another topic for me)
What bothered me, and I was stunned that no one else was talking about it was that the players on the losing team’s bench, were so disgusted with what was going on, starting in the second half, lost all interest in the game. Now if you don’t think that will have a dramatic effect on future practices and future wins, I would ask you to read my book, or watch some of my videos.
One interesting side note to the game, at halftime, the Athletic Director of the losing team had arranged for the sister of an alumnus to allow her dance group to perform on the court. They were very enthusiastic kids of different ages and ability. The cheerleading squad of the winning team, a very polished group, decided not only to let this other group go first, but when they were done, chose not to perform. A very classy and sportsmanlike gesture indeed.
Much has been written about this case, and deservedly so. I have what I believe to be a different perspective on the matter. What I want to know about this case is why very few people are talking about the culture that had to exist for this to happen. Let me explain.
I want to know what kind of culture exists that, when a person is intoxicated at a party, there is no support system for that person to be helped home or at least help to provide them transportation.
When did we lose that sense of community where extreme behavior by a person is not cause for concern amongst friends? Or even strangers that are in contact with this person are not alarmed and want to help?
I do not have the whole story on the two men who came to her aid but I am pretty sure one of them was not from America. That seems to me to possibly be a big part of the story. What is prevalent in his culture that he would immediately come to the aid of a person he did not know? I see article and videos every day of people in trouble while bystanders sit and watch.
Now I want to talk about the dad. I have a daughter. She is 21 years old and a senior in college. She is an A student. I would hope that when she is around people that ALL of them are looking out for one another with a deep sense of community and well being. If this happened to my daughter I would be outraged at the boy and his father.
The father’s statement reeks of entitlement. I would like to know his background. What did he provide for his son during his youth sports ruse in the swimming environment and home environment that set up this cause and effect scenario? What is the dad’s background? Do they come from wealth?
What we do at Frozen Shorts is to try and change the culture. We want people to embrace the fact that they are children and need to be taught life lessons. The need to fail, they need to sacrifice, and they need to understand that we are all in this together. I am not better than you. You may be my opponent but I respect you and trust that you will play with sportsmanship and fair competition.
His letter, his reaction, the Judge’s decision, and the ensuing reaction are playing out all across the country, and rightly so. I simply want to ask one last question.
How did you think this was all going to end up?
Entitlement, lack of community, the haves and the have nots, are combined with a lack of accountability and ‘I got a raw deal so I can give someone else a raw deal without guilt’. You have a formula for a culture that is very unhealthy for our children’s future being promulgated and played out every day.
Stop the tsunami.